Memories Are All We Got
by s.fizzlee
Summary: Brooke and Nathan are the perfect couple. They have been for 4 years. But what goes on behind close doors? Or more specifically, Brooke's closed door? Secrets, Lies, Bad Boys, Good Boys and Major Drama.. Hey that's just Tree Hill.


_**Disclaimer. **  
><em>

_Is this a dream?_  
><em> If it is, please don't wake me from this high.<em>  
><em>I've become comfortably numb, until you opened up my eyes.<em>

"Hey Brooke,"

"Wassup Brooke?"

"Brooke, hi."

Bla Bla Bla. That's the only thing Brooke really hears when all these people she doesn't know greet her in the halls of Tree Hill High. She doesn't ever glance at them calling her name, yet they still wouldn't give up.

"Relentless." She sighs, reaching her locker and turning the dial to the correct combination, her manicured nails clicking as they hit the cool metal. She grabs her books and smirks when she feels a pair of large, muscular arms snake around her waist.

"Hey baby," his deep voice perks her up instantly, she loves the familiarity of it and how comfortable that makes her feel. She turns in his arms, facing him and wraps her slender arms around his neck.

"Hey handsome." She grins as he lowers his head and presses a sweet kiss against her lips. "You know, you gotta stop creeping up on me like that, you might've heard of my hot boyfriend? Nathan Scott? Yeah, he'll fuck you up if he sees" She teases, her grin even bigger as Nathan just rolls his eyes and pecks at her lips again.

"Yeah, well my even hotter girlfriend is somewhere around here too but she's not that popular so you probably wouldn't have heard of her" he shrugs nonchalantly. "Maybe you have? Brooke Davis?"

"You killed it Nate." Brooke says dead panned, tugging at his hand and pulling him along with her as they make their way to class.

This is her life. Queen of high school, dating the co-captain of the basket ball team, being the most sexiest and envied girl in the whole school.. This is what she lives for. So there are some days where she gets that feeling that something's missing in her life, that occasional hit of loneliness, the sudden stike of confusion as to where her life's headed... or even that feeling she gets when her mom criticises her and she forces herself to throw up because she feels she's not beautiful enough. That last feeling? That's the hardest one. But it's gotten better, a lot better actually. She hasn't stuck her fingers down her throat for months now simply because she hasn't felt the need. She knows _exactly_ when she stopped and why, and the reason why is also the only person who knows about it. But that's a whole other secret she's kept locked up tight in that box in her heart labelled 'Do Not Think About'.

So what if she gets those 'sometimes' feelings? Every one feels them here and there, right? You can't let them stop you living your life. Especially if you're Brooke Davis. So she puts on that favourite smile of everyone's and focuses on her amazingly kind boyfriend who is sitting in the seat right next to her.

Nathan Scott. Wow.

Brooke Davis' boyfriend of four and a half years. They had been best friends since childhood when their parents where quite close and often went to charity galas and dinner parties together, Brooke and Nathan naturally became attached at the hip and were seldom seen without one another. As they grew up more, things remained the same, despite their parents growing apart due to long business trips and no contact. It was always the two of them; Brooke and Nathan, Nathan and Brooke. They were who everyone in town wanted to be. Everything changed on Nathan's fourteenth birthday party when everyone had gone home and Brooke had asked him when they were alone what he had wished for when he blew out his candle. He had laughed at first and told her to stop being so babyish but she insisted that she knew he made a wish and demanded she know what it was. How could he refuse the most closest person to him? So he told her "I wished you would be my girlfriend". It seemed weird at first to her, even he himself seemed unsure; scratching his head awkwardly and phrasing the sentence as though it were a question. But she didn't know any better than, she hadn't ever had a boyfriend and Nathan was the only boy she ever really payed attention to. So she agreed and they shared their first kiss. After that, they both soon learned that not much changed to their relationship. They were still the best of friends and did all the same things but now they kissed and hugged too.

Now four and a half years later, as he sits right next to her, lazily writing his name at the top of his paper, Brooke can't help but wonder if he deservs better. He is the most perfect, kindest and loyal man she has ever met but she knows deep in her heart that she possesses nowhere near any of those qualities.. At least not towards him.

"Fuck," Brooke mutters when she feels her phone vibrate the pocket of her skin tight, dark jeans. Checking to see if Mr. Bass, the history teacher, is looking (which he isn't), she quickly pulls out her Blackberry and opens up the text she just received. She stares at it expression less but inside her heart is racing faster than ever and when Nathan places a hand gently on her thigh, her heart tugs and melts as she looks into his smiling eyes. She hurriedly deleted the text then shoves it back into her pocket.

"It's Rachel," She whispers to Nathan who hasn't even asked because he's so trusting of her. "She's just making sure we're going to the costume party on Saturday."

"Hmmm.. I'm only going if you promise to dress up as Wonder Woman, I swear baby you would look so hot." He winks at her and she laughs loudly earning a stern look from Mr. Bass. "And, only if you promise to stay over. You haven't stayed over in so long Brooke," He genuinely looks a little hurt but that fact and her heart pulls a little more.

"Okay hot shot," She smiles back at him, not daring to tell him why exactly she hasn't stayed over in the last year and a half, "You got youself a deal" She leans back into her chair, prepared to fall asleep for the remaining time of the boring lesson.

"Aren't you gonna text Rach back then?" He askes, his eyebrows raised slightly.

Shit, she thinks and pulls out her phone again. "Oh yeah, I'm sucha ditz," She laughs clumsily hoping he doesn't notice. He doesn't. He just grins at her and turns back to his notes. She pretends to type a text then puts her phone away yet again. She sighs as she waits impatiently for the bell to ring.

-XxX-

Lunch. Oh how Brooke Davis loves lunch break. What's there not to love? Her whole group of friends, sitting together in the usually warm sun, eating and laughing. It was just something Brooke loved.

The whole school buzzes with all kinds of stereo type groups sitting in clusters in the lunch hall, talking about whatever they presumably talk about. Brooke weaves expertly through the crowd who parts and makes way as she struts towards the courtyard with Nathan's hand in hers laughing at the sight of Rachel in the distance stuffing a nacho into Mouth's mouth. The golden couple reach their usual lunch spot in the courtyard and take a seat, Brooke in next to Rachel and opposite them; Nathan, Mouth and Jake.

They are a very close knit group and anyone else from school is beneath them and a complete waste of time.

Brooke and Nathan are a couple and naturally are the King and Queen whilst Rachel is Brooke's right hand girl and Jake is Nathan's right hand man. Brooke and Jake were also very close when they were younger and they had the tightest brother-sister bond you could ever imagine. Rachel had discovered Mouth when she had needed access to the media safe and though at first the rest of the crew tried to keep up their guards to an outsider.. They couldn't 'cause Mouth was just too sweet. Rachel and Mouth don't exactly date... Cause Rachel's really not into commitment but they flirt and Mouth isn't complaining so hey.

They were the higher achy of the social ladder, you couldn't climb any higher then Brooke Davis' crew.

"Yo Nate, Check this," Jake laughs clapping Nathan on the back as he sits, "Rachel thinks she can get Mouth to dress up as Superman for her lame party." He chuckles as Rachel shoots him an evil look.

Nathan throws a fry at Jake's face in response and laughs even harder at Jake's confused expression. "Whatever dude, I say she can. We all know how my man Mouth over here can't ever deny Rachel for some reason,"

"Kinda like how you can't deny Brooke huh Nate?" Mouth shoots back, his toothy grin making him look adorable. Brooke winks at Nathan who gives her that guy nod and a wink back while Jake fake coughs "Whipped!", which earns him another fry in his face.

"About the party Rachel," Nathan says on a more serious note, "Brooke and I are definitely in. How comes I didn't get a text?" He feigns a look of hurt while Rachel sports a look of utter genuine confusion.

"Umm what tex- Ouch!" Rachel rubs the side of her leg where Brooke had just jabbed her heel into, burning holes of curiosity in Brooke's head. Brooke could feel Rachel's eyes boring into the side of her head but she chooses to ignore it, deciding a guilt trip from Rachel was not what she needed right now, not when she received one every time just by looking into Nathan's eyes. "I mean.. You're a loser that's why" Rachel finishes, still staring intently at Brooke knowing the subject of Brooke's 'white' lie.

Desperate to change the sudden awkward atmosphere that had engulfed the group, Brooke turns to Jake. "So big bro," That's just what they refer to each other as: 'Big Bro', 'Little Sis', because that's how close they are. "You in for the partaaay?" She grins at him, stealing a piece of lettuce from his plate.

"Uhh.. Only if your costume means you're fully clothed. 'Cause last year, you showing that much skin was disgusting." He shudders at the memory.

"Hey! I was only showing a little!" Brooke brings her shoulders up to her face and motions 'a little' with her fingers, making an innocent expression. Nathan just stares at her, completely baffled by the idea of anyone not finding her the most adorable thing on Earth.

"Whatever Davis, you're family. Family should not be showing that much skin to one another," Jake rolls his eyes at her.

"That's true, 'cause even I, the great sex god Rachel Gatina who has tried everything; am really not into incest and while you two are not blood related, that would still count as incest," Brooke looks at her, her face wrinkled in disgust while Nathan snorts,

"And you're into this chick, why?" He asks Mouth who simply grins at Rachel, mesmerised.

"Cause she's the fucking best." Mouth replies, earning a bear hug from Rachel.

"Anyyyways," Nathan drawls, "I think we're done here, Jake you wanna hit the pool bar tonight?"

"Sure, swing by my place at seven. What about you, Mouth?" Jake asks, gathering his stuff ready to head to his next class.

"Umm, Mouth and I are gonna go watch that new movie tonight," Rachel grins ruffling Mouth's hair who just smiles. She grabs her bag and drapes the strap over Mouth's arm before tugging him to get up and pulls him with her as they head back into the building, "Cya! Brooke you fat ass, call me later." Brooke rolls her eyes knowing that although it sounded like Rachel was kidding, she wasn't. Brooke had to call her soon before tonight was over otherwise Rachel would not let it go. She sighed before getting up and reaching for her boyfriend's hand.

"You don't mind me going to play pool do ya babe?" Nathan asks her, getting her bag. She smiles, happy to have a man that actually asks if its okay to go out with his guys. Not like another man she knows.

Jake coughs "Whipped!" again before sprinting off so that he doesn't get an ass kicking by Brooke.

"Sure baby, have fun. I've got Calculus last period and you've got Spanish and I'm gonna head straight home after if that's okay with you, I'm not feeling too good," she mumbles against his chest. "So that means we won't see each other until tomorrow, are you mad?"

She looks so cute that Nathan almost laughs, "No baby of course not. Call me if you need anything at all ok? I'll come by later if you want, you know check if you're okay?"

"No it's okay," Brooke says hurriedly, "I'll be fine. Call me later?"

"Always," Nathan beams down at her, kissing her before walking her to class then heading to his own.

-XxX-

Brooke stares out of the classroom window, waiting for the bell which would ring in about three minutes signalling the end of school. After which she would race home and get ready. She has her chin placed in her hand as she gazes silently through the glass at the still trees and shrubbery of the courtyard. They wave and bend slightly in the gentle breeze and they seem to have a calming effect on her, 'cause her heart that was beating so fast a second ago just at the thought of where she was gonna go in a few short hours has suddenly calmed down. She loses herself for a moment but is soon brought back to reality when the bell rings. She wants to stay like this for a little while but her mind catches up with her heart and she immediately hauls herself out of her seat and lunges out the door and towards the exit, ignoring all the calls of "Goodbye Brooke," "See you tomorrow Brooke," and "Later Brooke," from students she didn't give a fuck about.

She reaches her powder blue Volkswagen beetle and climbs in. She gingerly touches the locket pendant from Nathan that hangs from her mirror. It was a gift for their six month annervirsary, a locket with a picture of him and her inside of it. It was precious to her but she had taken if off a few months after she first did the bad act that caused her to carry around this heavy burden every day. She had hung it on her mirror instead, claiming she kept it in her car for good luck anytime anyone asked. Now as she traces the silver lining with her fingertip, she feels her heart tighten and leans her head back into her car seat.

"You're a fucking bitch Brooke," she mutters to herself, "He deserves so much better." But she loves him, she does. So she doesn't want to let him go. She releases the pendant from her grasp and peels out of the school parking lot, making her way home.

She stays over at Rachel's most of the time, simply to keep the feeling of loneliness, which can often become suffocating, at bay. But on nights like these, she returns to her own ghost of a home.

-xXx-

She knows she doesn't need to dress in tight clothes and wear tons of makeup to impress him, not anymore. It's been a year and a half and she would be lying if she said she didn't feel more comfortable around him than anyone in the world. He looked at her the same, whether she was all dolled up ready for a night out or whether her eyes were dried out and swollen from crying after just having puked her guts out. He always looked at her the same and that's why he was her reason to stop. But still, she hasn't seen him for a month and she wants to make the effort. So as she stands in front of her full length mirror clad in even tighter jeans than the ones she wore to school with a low rise hip so that they hugged her ass just right. He was after all an ass man at heart. Her new Dolce and Gabbana blouse was red, his favourite colour on her, it was tight around the bust and pushed her breasts tightly together and made them sit even higher than they naturally were on her flawless chest, the sleeves were organza. She felt slightly embarrassed at the fact that she had bought this new blouse specifically for when she would see him next but hey, he would never know that right? Her hair was up in a soft romantic bun with a few wisps of curled hair let down to frame her face. She was wearing a long gold pendant around her neck and a large gold bracelet around the middle of her arm. She teamed it with a pair of high black heels and smiled at her reflection, satisfied. Smokin' hot but classy at the same time.

She quickly throws essentials into her handbag and grabs her phone to check for any messages. Two texts and one voicemail. She hits her speed dial for voicemail.

"You have one new message. Message received on 26th June 2011 at 10:48pm. 'Hey baby, I miss you so much. I tried calling but I guess you're asleep 'cause you're not feeling well. Well sweet dreams my love, I'll pick you up for school tomorrow early and we can grab breakfast. I love you so much Brooke.' Press 1 to erase the message or press 2 to call back,"

Brooke's heart breaks a little as she deletes Nathan's message and opens up her texts.

Rachel: B, what the hell? I know u used me as a cover up for him texting u earlier, and ur not staying here tonight which means ur with him. Nate doesn't deserve to be lied to B, you gotta talk to him. U know I'm always on ur side tho skank. R x

Brooke rolls her eyes and decides to ignore the sharp pain that stabs her heart again. She opens up the next text.

Jake: Davis, hi ur lame bye.

She laughs at Jake's randomness and is grateful that he always cheers her up without even trying to. That's a real friend right there. She's also grateful for the fact that he has no clue about her little secret cause she doesn't know what would happen if he did.

She grabs her keys and handbag and walks out of her front door, closing it behind her. It's summer so the air is hot and her surroundings are dark, the only light being emmitted is from the spotlight abover her door step. She loves the front of her house. It's got a long path which leads right up to her door step. The path also consists of a drive near the middle. Large oak trees line the path and they look so pretty. She turns on her door step to face the front.

Sure enough there he is.

Right there on her drive.

Sitting in his black mustang, one arm leaning out of the window holding a lit cigarette between his fingertips, the other arm running a hand lazily over his buzz cut while his head leans back against his head rest. His white wife beater contrasts against the black interior of his ride and the golden tint of his gloriously tanned to perfection skin. The wife beater's loose but you can still make out the sharp contours of his perfectly sculpted chest. As he stares at her standing on her doorstep intensely, his head still leaning against his head rest, he runs his tongue over his bottom lip before he strokes his stubble chisled jaw slowly.

_So here we are,  
>And that's pretty far when you think of where we've been.<br>No going back,  
>I'm fading out all that has faded me within.<em>

They just stare each other for what seems like an eternity, neither of them moving as the hot summer air moves between them. Finally, Brooke steps down from her door step and struts over to his car. He hips sway beautifully and he swears he could just watch her body forever. She stops at the passenger door and stares at him again. This time he can see the look in her eye that's screaming "Why did you leave me for so long?" and he can't take the intensity of it all so he turns his head away from her and waits for her to climb in. When she does he turns back to look at her 'cause he knows he needs to search her eyes to see if she's still truly his and that this month apart hasn't made her move on. He was planning on avoiding doing it but he knows if he doesn't face his fears now he never will. So he moves forward in his seat in order to see her face more clearly. It's basked in the bright moon light and as he looks into her eyes, his heart races. Yeah. Still his.

_Now you're by my side,  
>Everything's right.<br>I can't believe you found me when no one else was looking,  
>how did you know just where I would be?<em>

She runs a small hand across his face and he leans into it, greedily relishing any touch from her. It was the only feeling that made him aware he had something or someone rather to live for. She smiles as his stubble feels rough against her soft palm and she remembers the days when she was new to being with him and every inch of him, including his rough but perfect face was so different from Nathan's. But Nathan doesn't even cross her mind anymore as the pain of being away from the guy in front her for a whole month that she had locked up in that huge box of her's in her heart rises dangerously to the surface.

"You didn't text me back earlier," He says plainly.

"You didn't call." She states, breaking the comfortable silence. That's another thing with them, they don't have to say one word in the entire time their together but it will never once seem uncomfortable. He looks down and places her small hand in his large one and looks back up at her. There's no point of bothering with apologies for practically abandoning her for a month so he gives her the truth straight out this time.

"I wanted to make sure that I couldn't live without you,"

"That's a little selfish don't you think? Not only on me but your parents? Your brother?" She mutters, pulling her hand out of his. He pisses her the fuck off. Couldn't he have let her know so that she could tell him she already knew that she couldn't live without him?

"Parents," he snorts. "They don't give a fuck Brooke and you know it. And brother? Really?" He chuckles to himself and she feels like slapping him.

"I hate when you laugh sarcastically."

"I know."

"So don't fucking do it!" She's shouting now and her pain is moving more and more towards the surface. She gulps in attempt to force it back down. They both hear the real meaning in what she just said. Don't fucking do it; don't leave me like that.

But she pisses him off too. Telling him it's selfish on his fucking brother. Now that's hilarious.

"Then don't fucking tell me it's selfish on my brother when you're fucking dating him!" he yells, his face screwed up in distaste as he turns his head again.

She feels bad now 'cause she knows how much it not only pisses him off but hurts him to think that she belongs to anyone else but him; especially to his own blood brother.

"Lucas, Hey," she says softly, reaching for his chin and tugging his face towards her. "I'm all yours." And it's true. Because even if she was Nathan's first, even if she is still dating him four and a half years later... She still belongs to the guy who's attacking her lips hungrily with passion right now. She always belonged to him. They were inevitable.

_I guess that you saw what nobody could see,  
>I was hiding until you came along<br>And showed me where I belonged._

"So did you make sure? That you couldn't live without me?" Her voice is so faint that if he didn't know her the way he did and have her every pronunciation of every word and every tone of every syllable etched in the memory of his heart then he wouldn't have even heard her.

"I already knew, Brooke."

So that's the other part of her life. The other secret in her box. Lucas Scott. Nathan Scott's 22 year old older brother who dropped out of college a year ago and is also known as Tree Hill's very own bad boy. That is if he's even around which most of the time, he's not.

She couldn't help herself. In a way, she didn't even have a choice. She couldn't control her heart and it wanted Lucas. Sucks that he wanted her back.

_I guess that you saw what nobody could see;  
>The good and the bad and the things in between,<br>You found me._

_**Author's Note: Review If You Want More :)**  
><em>


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